Can You Keep Your Faith in College?

Abbie's Blog

 Wednesday, April 23, 2008
This is a more exposing spread of paragraphs than my norm, so bear with me if I’ve moved into a realm too vulnerable for your tastes.  

So it was my birthday a couple weeks ago.  I’ve never been a big birthday person, but this year really wasn’t.  Birthdays weren’t grand celebrations for me growing-up (conversation/issue for another day), which takes my view of these (birth) days to a benchmark of sorts, but not much more.  (Although my mom does sing a pretty awful, and thus decently hysterical, yearly rendition of “Happy Birthday” to my answering machine.)  All mediocrage aside though, twenty-seven marked the first “bad birthday” I’ve ever had.

Suffice it to say I’ve never been “the typical girl.”  And certainly never the typical “Christian girl.”  I knew I held dreams of marriage and mothering (mothering and marriage is probably the more suitable order).  And I knew I had expectations and assumptions of “right passages.”  But I didn’t know to what extent.

In summary, my 27th birthday woke to a single soliloquy spanning Vogue’s entire archive.  Again, rare to my typical form, or at least conscious and shared form (meaning I think this has all been subconsciously around for as long as my birthday has), I hit the girly’est, lonliest, love-craving place I can remember.  No matter how shallow and ungodly it seemed, all I wanted was a man to tell me I was beautiful, and if he had a ring in hand, or was named Ben and/or Jerry, we could’ve just gone straight to the vows.   

These feelings were shocking and depressing enough, but they weren’t even the most pervasive.  I told you this was vulnerable.  The feelings I felt most strongly that sunny 27th morning were sadness and guilt.  Sigmund Freud says depression is repressed anger.   I would agree.  My sadness felt very, very sad, but more honestly, it felt very, very angry. Angry at myself.  Angry at my circumstances—or lack there of.  And angry at my anger.  Furthermore, I felt guilty, apologizing to God for being where I was/am that day/today.  “I’m sorry I’m not married.  I’m sorry I don’t have children. I’m sorry I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.  I’m sorry God…so sorry…”  As phrases hit the page, and further inwardness came out, it felt like I was listening to someone else, and yet something of the lands felt recognizably real, too.

One of the things I appreciate about blogging is that you can click “post” without necessarily finishing a thought process.  And that’s what I’m about to do.  Life is hard.  Believing God has you where you are, on purpose, is hard.  And feels really bad at times.  If the Bible is true though, and the Cross really happened, Something is unfolding that wants you and me to be exactly where we are today.  Even if that means having a bad birthday.  

Wednesday, April 23, 2008 2:47:42 PM (Pacific Daylight Time, UTC-07:00) 
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 Wednesday, April 16, 2008
makes it easier to believe God can handle the whole world in His hands today, but struggles to handle just mine?

Wednesday, April 16, 2008 6:06:16 AM (Pacific Daylight Time, UTC-07:00) 
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 Wednesday, April 09, 2008
I was asked in a radio interview last week the biggest challenge confronting college campuses today.  I said “isms,” with pluralism and relativism topping the list.  Imagine if your campus was restructured such that all faiths were combined under the same umbrella (I can’t not mention that “ella, ella, ella” is running through my head right now).  Imagine that your “staff position” was mixed with that of the Hindu, Muslim, Buddhist and Athiest staffers, too?  "You’re all aiming for the same thing right?!  Trying to help students explore their “god-concepts”? Ummmm, sort, but no, not really…  The LA Times ran an article Sunday that doesn’t fall too far off this paradigm shift. http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/la-op-alameddine6apr06,0,2743519.story

It’s eerie how much this article took me back lawn conversations and lectures during my undergrad days at Emory.  In short, the writer takes about 80% of the article to build a point regarding “Allah” as synonymous with “God,” and thus rightfully needing to be used as such in the English vocabulary.  The point is padded by remarking that so many religious faces are acceptingly worn by “God,” and yet Allah remains separate—dangerously separate.

I’ll agree to the extent that openness to the term and context of “Allah” would do our linguistic and existential vocabularies well.  But on almost every other front, I have to disagree.  Compartmentalizing all gods into one “God” ends up minimizing all the gods.  Every “god” of every religion is unique and uniquely named into its given culture, history, cult and/or custom.  And although most may assume similar characteristics, they mean different things, to the degree that that have been differentiated at some point in history in order to designate a given faith, or spirituality.

Presuming that “all gods are the same” and should be titled under the same heading (“God”) feels to me like saying “all people are the same,” so let’s ditch specific “names” and just refer to each other as “people.”  Furthermore, consider my current writing environment: a family of bluebirds is singing into my window, and the Berlin Philharmonic is wafting spectacular notes from my living room below.  But what if I were to say, “There are animals making noise outside my window and sounds coming from downstairs.”  Oh how this minimizes the grandiosity of precise sound enriching my ears!

Finally, and I feel like I’m just getting started, but the writer of the article ended with: “One nation under Allah?,” as if to say this is where our country needs to head.  What a scary thought, I think—not because Allah is scary, but because trying to “refound” the history of a given country, let alone faith, is manipulative, dangerous and dishonest.  America wasn’t founded as a nation under Allah, or else old Christopher would’ve said so.  Furthermore, Islam wasn’t founded under “God,” or else I’m quite sure their Christopher would’ve said so, too, for Allah’s sake.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008 5:16:29 PM (Pacific Daylight Time, UTC-07:00) 
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 Tuesday, April 01, 2008
I wonder what it felt like?
I wonder what he felt like?

And why him in the first place?  It’s not like there weren't other people on the road, or like he didn’t have anything to do that day.

What about the minutes wherein they chose him?  Did they yell at him, or beat him - did he fight back?  How much force did agreement take?  What was Jesus doing during this time?

What did agreeing feel like?  Did he know the cause at hand?  Or its effect?  Did he even know who Jesus was?

How long was the walk?  Did he ever hear the whole story?  Did he need to hear the whole story?  

What does it mean that Sovereignty allows crosses?
Allows us to carry crosses?
Chooses us to carry crosses?
And sometimes forces us to?

As they were going out, they met a man from Cyrene, named Simon, and they forced him to carry the cross.  Matthew 27:32


Tuesday, April 01, 2008 5:05:12 PM (Pacific Daylight Time, UTC-07:00) 
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