The power has been out the past couple days, malaria has reeked havoc on my system, faucet drips have been cold and slight, and bats have been stormed our house like it’s their job. For whatever reason though, I’ve felt like I wanted to stay in Africa more so this week, than ever before. I’m realizing, then, that there must be something bigger than comfortability, desire, or circumstance, moving someone to go a given direction in life.
I think most of relief-work, or missionary living, is far more glamorous from afar. And having spent a decent amount of time around these individuals, it’s probably not surprising that most of them are quite subdued and I think stabilized in their initial passion. It’s as though it has yielded into a more matured consistency of steadiness, or calm. Not that their passion has faded, per se, but I think the buoyancies of adventure and undying effort are only natural to find a leveling ground, lest burnout, sickness, or death becomes them (which I’m not denying as often the case). This has further reminded me that any sort of work, relationship, or commitment, hoping to offer long-term effectiveness, must be laced by a passion, but undergirded by something deeper. Something more rooted, like a vision, or mission, I guess. Too many of our days are forced to question if we should come, stay, go, or why we came in the first place, so that I think unless we have a tangible “call beyond ourselves,” be it a loved one we’re wanting to honor, a God we’re wanting to serve, or a cause we’re willing to die for, I can’t see a life of service lasting.
How do you know though? How do you know when to go, or when to stay, or when to take a stand? I’m not sure the full answer, but am getting more sure of a partial one. And for me, at least, a lot of it relates to times I’ve gotten it “wrong.” I feared ____ and settled, or faked okayness and pressed-on—both unhealthily. But the astonishing thing to realize is that in God’s economy, there’s a transcendence of right/wrong, good/bad, black/white, etc., called sovereignty.
Most of this has been learned the hard way, but God’s will is God’s will and as much as He created me with vast wills of choice, being and depth, ‘His will’ will always prevail over mine. I have the freedom to dream and dive and rise and fall, knowing that in honest pursuit of Him (key), I can be “wrong,” or “right,” and His will can’t help but catch me. This doesn’t hand me the lackadaisical leeway to say, “I can do whatever I want and God will take care of me.” No—it’s a call with far more dignity than that. It’s a call that designates me as someone Hand-designed and potentialed for a unique life of peace, adventure, intimacy and glorification. John Piper’s books usually boil down to one truth: “God is most glorified in me when I am most satisfied in Him.” In other words, if you feel called to serve in Africa, I increasingly believe that, in order for your passion to stay present with your leading, it must be supremely based in an enjoyment of the call(er), rather than Africa. Or if you feel led (could be synonymn’ed by stirred, desirous, moved, stimulated towards, etc.) to be a student, dentist, or Mom in America, doing so with a consistence of vigor, purpose and motivation must be lined with a derivative deeper than studies, teeth, or minivans.
To quell any worried audiences, I am not staying in Africa and I am not confiscating any babies into my suitcase. Although a lot of me would love to do both. Thank God, my passion has consistently been trumped by His whisper. Although I don’t doubt I’ll be back on this continent one-day soon, I know the time is not now. An objective “how do you know” is beyond me to explain, but in decisions past, whether related to marrying a person, moving across the country, or knowing I was to be in Uganda for the summer, God’s will has always found a way to speak. Sometimes it’s been through my mistakes, while other times through combinations of Scripture, prayer, counsel, or circumstance. Slowly but surely though, I am coming to trust and discern His voice, which is sometimes loud, usually quiet, and often silent. It is always there though, trumping my temporal, top-able passions saying yes, no, or everything in-between.
***
For God So Loved The World.
I’ve always found John 3.16 kind-of annoying. It’s like the catch-phrase salvation verse and shows-up on anything from t-shirts and bumper stickers, to sermon bases and stupid breath mints. Being over here has helped me free up a little cynicism. I’ve been floored in actual sightings of God’s widespread love for nations, people groups and personalized hairs on each head. Maybe He really did love the world so much, that He gave His one and only Son, Jesus Christ, that none should perish, but all who followed Him would have eternal life. That’s unbelievable.