Home Would be Easier.

For a lot of reasons. And they deserve easier tonight.
They’re tired of being dirty. Even on their cleanest day, they’re dirty.
They’re tired of everything around them being dirty. Smells were nauseating at first, but now the realization that everything smells bad makes them numb to it.
They’re tired of tears.
They’re tired of everything they want not being simple to get.
They’re tired of walking.
They’re tired of walking down the street and seeing men with guns.
They’re tired of poverty.
They’re tired of everything being inconvenient.
They’re tired of this being the familiar.
They’re tired of feeling sad.
They’re tired of not knowing.
Home would be easier. And I’m wanting them to have the easy life tonight.

***

Tears of Exile.

Mama Suzanne cried in front of me today. That’s the first time I’ve seen a Mama lose tearful emotion so candidly. She was asking about our trip to “Gulu.” I could sense the anticipation in her voice, but couldn’t sense whether I should give my “honest take,” or a more laced one. So I gave kind-of a mix.

It’s so hard to tell the how Ugandans feel sometimes. And especially with people of the faith, I’ve found that legalism is a big challenge here, so that people are hesitant to say how they ‘really’ feel, knowing they’re suppose to “forgive everyone, turn the other cheek, etc.” When you know them for a longer time, they’re more apt to open-up, but it’s still always justified with a hint, or large helping of Christianese-coating. Examples here might be a concern an opinion about the president (Museveni), or cultural taboos (like they’d never tell a white person to change clothes, but all Ugandans know and talk behind our backs about our unkemptness).

In this case Mama Suzanne listened intently to my recap and then sadly empathized at the state of life in the north and how horrific it is. Then she started crying harder, saying, “But that’s my home. It is where I long to be.” I did not know this was the case and assumed getting to Jinja was like getting to the Promised Land since the downfall of the north starting in the 80’s. Rather, she explained, “It is not escape; it is exile, for danger and needing job.” Exiled, I thought…that’s a really loaded word that I’ve never heard apart from the Old Testament. Something about the primitiveness of the last couple weeks finds me relating to Biblical content more so than usual.

When I asked Mama Suzanne if she will ever go back. She said, “Oh yes, I am waiting on God every day.” I asked if this was the same for most the other people here. She said, “Absolutely. Though it is terrible today, home is always home.”