It’s a terrible feeling to face prejudice toward an entire gender. Ugandan men pull me toward it though. It’s a rarity for me to pass a man on the street and not find myself screaming profanities under my breath. Any woman will understand me when I say this, but they just have “that look.” It’s sleezy, seductive and downright scary, to the degree that women are told to not even give them eye-contact. At first this sounded horrendous to me—now it feels like a small form of protection.

You think I’m exaggerating to say that every guy is like this—and I am—but in town, at least, it’s definitely most guys (the villages feel less so). I’m continually asking for discernment for when a man is pure and able to be trusted, let alone looked in the eye. Again, it’s a terrible feeling to judge every man as bad.

Women are embarrassed by the men here, and just assuming of their behavior. When you ask, or complain about something they did, the women don’t flinch, or defend them, but rather empathize and apologize on their behalf. On this note, I think one of the most difficult tensions revolves around the stark contrast between women and men. I make a point to smile at every female I see. And I am yet to not receive one back. It’s not immediate and it’s definitely never initiated, but when you smile at a woman here, it’s like a veil is lifted from her tired, ashamed face and she’s finally “allowed” to shine. It’s one of the most beautiful processes I’ve ever witnessed, which happens without words and in a mere matter of seconds. Something about the image of God carries massive capacity for giving and receiving a smile. (This is a conversation for another day, but I’ve wondered lately how much Jesus smiled…or laughed, cried, yelled, joked, asked, taught, or told, for that matter…Scriptures refer to him having nothing of outward appearance that we’d be drawn to, but in light of this smiling topic, I wonder what that means….).

Anyway, guys have a completely opposite process of relating. They stare at you with an untrusting grimace and say stuff any language communicates as distasteful and provoking. My one hope falls in the realm of age and exposure to Western culture. I say that because there are distinct differences based on a guy’s age. Babies, boys and even school-aged kids are adorable. They smile and relate in seemingly innocent ways. The middle and high-schoolers start to show a bit more hesitancy, but still seem quite harmless in their relating. College and University aged guys mark the line. They can “talk the talk” of good-heartedness, but they can’t get through a paragraph without asking to take you to church (because “all white people go to church”…most whites they’ve been exposed to have been missionaries of some sort). If this doesn’t work, they’ll tell you they love you and want to marry you. How enticing. Beyond school age, guys don’t stand a chance.

Muzzungoo is our name and money is our draw. Whites are known as rich and easy. We’ll put out money, just as easily as we’ll put out sex. It’s not just a white issue though—the treatment of women is unjust and patriarchal, to say the least. Women here work incredibly long hours and for incredibly low wages, usually to come home to a husband who’s cheating on other wives, or affairs, or bingeing on cheap beer that robs his kids of day’s worth of bread.

I am a feminist to the degree that I believe in women and believe women deserve rights, justice and fairness of treatment. I am not a feminist, however, to the degree that I believe women and men should be treated equally. I think we are apples and oranges—we were uniquely designed for different roles and responsibilities. We are different species, from everything to physical and emotional make-up, to physiological and sociological behaviors. All this to say, I am one who fights for the fullest measure of strength, beauty and holistic empowerment for both men and women.

But today I hate men. And I feel incredibly sorry for so many women.