Have you ever thought about your future spouse? Or should I say, when you think about your future spouse, do you ever wonder about their personality, style, or favorite hobby—what their job, dream-job, or family will entail?

Pop-Christianity has been preaching a "negotiable/non-negotiable" idea for quite some time now, exhorting us to “list” the absolutes and maybes of our spouses. In other words, what are the characteristics you simply can't compromise on, and what are those that are “up for grabs?” Well, I wouldn’t call myself a groupie here, at all, but I do think the topic holds some ground. Thinking beforehand about who we’ll be hand-in-hand with...forever...is clearly important. Irrevocably important, in fact. My hold-up, though, is prioritizing this “list” over the Lord's. I'm convinced that no matter what we subscribe to, He's always willing and wanting to outdo it—otherwise, the mystery of marriage (and life) would be within man’s reach. Let me give you an example.

Yesterday was a slow Saturday morning, where sleeping-in and daydreaming to the pillow was at its best. Thoughts of “the husband” couldn’t help but amuse me—less in a lonely appeal (at least this day) and more in a, "Wow, someday times like this will be sweet to share with my best friend. I wonder what it'll be like? I wonder what he'll be like? Will he serenade me out of bed, or let us lay for awhile and then request a hearty breakfast and hiking at a nearby mountain?” I mention these two (singing and athleticism) because they highlight a large part of my "negotiable list" lately. Selfishly, I want my husband to be athletic and it'd be really fun if he was a musician, too (what is it about those worship leaders?...).

I eventually let my Spiritual side catch-up to my daydreams. He, of course, wanted to pry a few steps deeper.

"These negotiables are fine, Abbie, and I'm pretty psyched to show you how they flesh out. For a few minutes though, can I challenge your standards?”

I had nowhere to be, so agreed, somewhat reluctantly.

“Hypothetically (/hint, hint), let's say I'm your perfect Lover. Out of curiosity, would I make your cut? Would I survive your negotiables framework? Clearly, I'd score well on your non-negotiables...in fact, I think I'd quite characterize their fullness (Godliness, purity, integrity, faith, desire, love, commitment and respect for you...), but my greater concern is making the cut for those up-in-the-air, “non-negotiables.”

Surmise what you want, but if I’m honest, none of my athletic feats were Olympic caliber—or even close. Between you and me, I was a pretty good fisherman, but as for being supremely “athletic,” the jury's still out. And this worship leader bit...I understand it’s appealing and that folks leading songs (especially to me) are quite striking. But that's an extraction of their ‘actual’ self—a fringe element (musical gifting) of their real garment. Being musical may be cool and really darn attractive, but it’s not required. Again, I can strike a darn good tune in the shower, but stick me affront a crowd and the fat lady sung—a long time ago.

Let me put it this way, and then you can get back to daydreaming, but think about how many of my athletic, or musical talents, were recorded? None. Nada. Zippo. Apparently, nothing about my profile—looks, talents, salary, hobbies—was worth writing down. My Facebook would’ve been pretty darn boring…and shoot, eharmony, I wouldn't stand a chance! Here's the bottom line: Your best list still doesn’t come close to mine. What’s favorable to the world isn’t necessarily so to me. You are stunning in my sight and as long as you choose that as your sole non-negotiable, I promise to deliver the rest. Keep looking at me, before searching for "him" and keep daydreaming about my list, before struggling to create his. I love you, Jesus.”

I rolled out of bed, content and somehow encouraged about the day and days ahead—regardless of whose hand they’d hold.