Using God—a concept foreign to me, until last week. Well, foreign in the sense of never having recognized it. In short, it was the first time I realized how often my encounters with God assume an end, or result, if you will. Whether it’s an answer, direction, or even new composition, seldom do I find myself spending time with God just to spend time with Him. And don’t get me wrong, blatantly bad motives haven’t been exempt from our relationship, but at least they’re disguised as “need-based” rendezvous, or seasons of God in the Santa Claus costume. Never though, had I found myself in this ‘using God’ mentality, where His means simply assumed my desired end.

Last week was different though. My time with God somehow began necessitating (often unintentionally) an “end” different from what I’d started with. In other words, there was a presupposition that after spending time with Him, there would rest a stained advancement of our meeting—a tangible evidence of my gain. And in some ways, you’re probably saying, “That’s good, isn’t it…it means you’re constantly learning and growing in your relationship?” And to a certain extent, I agree. No man stands a chance of spending time with God and not experiencing change, but these changes are unpredictable graces and thus, should not and cannot be assumed! Miraculous changes accompany God’s presence, but woe is me to expect, let alone attempt, predicting such changes. For in doing so, I forfeit my ability to enjoy God—to be in His presence. Furthermore, there rises an exhausting intensity and intense suppression of the cultivated quiet God desires for my heart. Finally, I lose sight of the joys of being with God and finding absolution in that posture.

God, I want to enjoy You today. I want to experience and encounter You in a one-sided way—in a way that YOU serve as the sole means and end to our relationship. Father, I know You well enough to realize change and changing ends automatically spill from Your presence. But Father, I also know me well enough to realize my assumed role in that changing, or sought after end in Your changes. Guide me to a place of being with you today. Being still and knowing You without a pretense, or expected destination. And in doing so, remembering the joy therein and the purity from there out.